Losing a loved one can create a whirlwind of emotions. The emotional feeling of heartbreak must coincide with the practical needs, such as contacting family members and planning the funeral. Sometimes you may feel like you're in over your head, and the decisions are coming too fast. However, with a little guidance, you can make it through this time. Here is a list of do's and don’ts to help you get through this time while still grieving.
- Don't believe you have a handle on your spouse's assets. You probably know which assets are held jointly and which assets they wanted to go to a specific friend or family member. However, do you have an in-depth list of your spouse's assets? For example, Texas is a community property state, and you have a good idea of the assets you have together, but what about personal property? He or she may have long-term investments made before you were married. If so, how would they want it distributed? Never assume you know everything about your spouse's complete assets.
- Do consult an attorney. You should do this as soon as possible after your loved one dies, especially if the two of you had not done any estate planning. An experienced attorney can help answer any questions you have about paperwork, but most importantly, they can explain all timelines that must be met before the probate process can be closed.
- Don't assume there won't be a need to probate the will. Most people assume everything will automatically go to the surviving spouse upon the deceased's passing. However, distributing assets is only a part of what must be done. It involves proving the will's validity, appointing an executor, identifying property, paying debts, and then distributing what remains to heirs and beneficiaries. Probate determines what assets are jointly owned, have beneficiary designations, are placed in a trust, or have Texas transfer on death deeds. This is important because these things do not have to go through probate. All assets and properties solely in the decedent's name or without a noted designation must go through probate. This information is necessary when it comes to distributing assets to the rightful heirs.
- Do order more than one death certificate. You should get between 10-12 original copies of the death certificate as soon as possible. Institutions such as banks and insurance companies will only accept original copies, plus you never know when you will need one in the months to come.
- Do secure solely owned property and real estate. You are not allowed to remove anything from the home that is solely owned by the deceased. All furniture, jewelry, and collections, such as artwork, must remain in the house until legal permission is giving to move it. In this case, you should secure the home by locking all the windows and perhaps consider changing the locks on the doors to prevent theft. Ask a trusted neighbor to watch for unusual activity around the home. When it comes to real estate with warehouses and offices, for example, however, you may remove valuables and sensitive documents. Secure doors, perhaps changing the locks, and consider hiring a security company. Take pictures and videos of the property's condition for future reference. This may be helpful if disputes arise.
- Do not drive the loved one's vehicle. This can cause legal and insurance problems. Insurance on the vehicle stops when he or she dies. If you're in an accident, neither you nor the car are covered, and you will have to cover any damages. This will also cause problems with the value of the vehicle as it was left in the will.
- Don't access solely owned bank accounts. Once the spouse dies, you can only access the account with legal permission. This may be given only after the probate process has begun.
- Don't delay notifying important institutions. This one seems to be split into two camps. Some say not notifying banks and financial institutions can lead to unauthorized transactions, unwanted deposits, or complications with the estate. Others, however, feel that doing so would freeze the automatic payments that are still necessary. Consult your attorney for advice.
- Don't turn off the utilities in your loved one's solely owned home. It feels like the first thing to do is turn off the utilities, but leaving them on is a better move. It helps prevent things like frozen pipes, and you and your family will be going in and out of the home, sorting items. Having lights will be helpful.
- Do not cancel cell phones or online accounts immediately. The cell phone may be essential for receiving security codes needed to access other accounts. Use the online accounts to cancel such things as Netflix and other accounts requiring payments. You might get completely locked out of important accounts. Also, don't forget to cancel all email accounts.
- Finally, take care of yourself. Grief exhausts you physically and mentally. Loss of appetite and lack of sleep is stressful enough, but when everyone around you seems to be arguing and tempers are flaring, it makes it easier for you to be bullied into making decisions you don't want to make, such as funeral details and family preferences. Get plenty to eat and sleep and take time away as often as possible so you'll be strong enough to stand firm on your decisions.
Grief never ends, but the first months after your loss are especially hard, especially when everything seems to fall on you. Ask for help from trusted friends, see a professional, if necessary, and take the time you need to start your journey to a place of peace.
This article was written with my colleague, Mac McCutcheon.