Grief is the experience of coping with a loss. While we grieve deeply when we lose a loved one, we can also grieve when a marriage ends, jobs we loved disappear, or we lose a family home. We may also grieve the loss of a cherished pet. In all of these instances, grief is an emotional reaction that has physical symptoms, symptoms that are real and should be recognized.
In many cases, symptoms overlap. Lack of sleep, for example, may influence your ability to focus. It may also trigger migraines. No two people experience the same symptoms, and some symptoms continue longer than others. Knowing a few of these symptoms and how they influence your daily activities can help you during the initial period of loss. Here are some of them.
Fatigue – Fatigue is also called emotional exhaustion. The emotional processing you go through at this time, coupled with making necessary arrangements, such as planning a funeral, can leave you drained. This fatigue, however, may continue long after the initial period of loss. Rest when you can and try to find time to decompress when it's quiet.
Changes in Sleep Patterns – These changes may manifest in different ways. You may be unable to sleep, even when you feel fatigued. You may sleep too much. You may even experience long periods of sleeplessness during the night. If you were the full-time caregiver, you may have had to listen for sounds of distress from your loved one, causing shallow, restless sleep. Lack of restorative sleep can cause brain fog, poor coordination, and increased blood pressure. To help sleep better, avoid using your phone or electronic devices before bed and limit your caffeine and alcohol intake. If necessary, talk to a doctor or therapist for help.
Heart issues – Grief can affect the cardiovascular system significantly. People with heart conditions prior to the loss of a loved one can have a higher risk of heart attacks or stroke during the first 30 days after the loss, with increased instances of pounding chests and high blood pressure. Some suffer what is known as “broken heart syndrome,” a condition that mimics a heart attack. Because of this, anyone suffering symptoms of a heart attack should see a doctor to be on the safe side.
Eating Disorders – Some people suffer loss of appetite after the loss of a loved one, while others begin “stress eating,” or compulsive overeating. Some will fluctuate between the two, causing severe digestive issues. Lack of nutrition can prevent your body from getting what it needs to deal with the physical stress. It also influences how well you are able to sleep. Try to keep a regular eating schedule, if possible, even if you aren't hungry. Find ways to keep meals on hand, such as frozen foods or foods easily prepared in the microwave. If possible, make large batches of meals and seal them in freezer safe containers. Determine the specific amount of food you want to eat at each meal. That way you ensure you won't eat too little or too much.
Tension Headaches/Migraines – Poor sleep and dehydration that can accompany stress can cause muscle tension, especially in your neck and shoulders. This tension may lead to tension headaches. After time, these headaches may evolve into migraines. Increased cortisol levels triggered by extreme emotional stress also trigger migraine headaches. To help ease tension headaches, stay hydrated. Get as much exercise as you can, such as walking or yoga, or try some relaxation techniques, such as meditation. If these symptoms persist or get worse, you may need to see a therapist to help you deal with the emotional issues causing them.
General Aches and Pains – These include back aches, joint pain, muscle aches, and overall feelings of pain. They may be brought on by lack of sleep and fatigue, as well as the physical tension grief creates in your body. All you can do is treat the symptoms individually. Take time to rest and ask others for help when you need it.
Vulnerability to Illness – Lack of sleep, changing eating patterns, and an overall heightened stress level all leave you more susceptible to such illnesses as infections and viruses, especially if your system is already compromised by autoimmune diseases, such as rheumatoid arthritis Try to avoid places where colds or the flu is prevalent
Inability to Focus – Grief impacts your cognitive functions. You may not remember something you said or did an hour ago, where you put your wallet or car keys, or even a friend's name. This will improve with time. Ask for help from those around you. Ask them to remind you about important meetings, when you should eat, or even where you left your keys!
Grief is a normal response to losing someone or something you love. It is not so much a set of steps as it is a series of ups and downs, and no two people grieve the same way. Be gentle with yourself. Dealing with the physical as well as emotional symptoms will help you as you work your way through this difficult period.