Divorce proceedings are often full of conflict, with every issue becoming a battle that will ultimately be settled by a judge who knows nothing about, or even cares about, those involved. To avoid this, more couples are turning to divorce mediation. Many courts mandate it. If couples are able to work together amicably, mediation allows them to make decisions about their futures for themselves and maintain control of the outcome. However, even in mediation, things have the potential to get heated. If this happens, there are some things that may help get things back on track.
With mediation, you and your attorney and your spouse and his/her attorney will be in separate rooms, or if by zoom, separate virtual rooms. You won’t see them and won’t hear what they say. With that in mind, you both can call your spouse any name you want because he/she won’t hear it and the mediator will “filter” your response to the other party.
Before mediation begins, decide what your primary goal is, such as child custody or property division, then prepare by gathering any important documents necessary for reaching this goal, such as financial statements, property valuations, and child custody documentation. Doing this will help you be prepared with whatever facts you need to keep things rolling. Some spouses see this as a time to rack up the “wins.” They give no practical consideration to their decisions, which can lead to regret later on, especially in cases of child support or visitation. By keeping calm and focusing on the long run, you're more likely to achieve your goals.
If an issue arises that becomes so heated you and your spouse feel like you may never work it out, take a break. Leave the room, get some air, or maybe even wait a few days before trying again. When you continue working, consider working on some different issues, things you're more likely to agree on. This may help you regain a sense of cooperation. Always keep in mind that the courtroom is the LAST place you want to be.
Remember in mediation, neither one of you are going to get everything you want, but you’ll get something you can live with. Once the mediated settlement agreement (“MSA”) is signed by everyone, it can’t be revoked so you can take a deep breath and feel the weight coming off your shoulders knowing your case is done. The only thing left is for the lawyers to “paper it up” with the divorce decree.